Why a Professional Officiant?

While a wedding ceremony is not a theatrical performance, there are many elements that are the same.  You are spending a great deal of money for the right venue, for the gowns and tuxes, the food, decor, etc., so why not hire a professional officiant who will be able to guide you through the various aspects of the ceremony and avoid problems that may otherwise manifest.

You may have settled on a perfect venue and have hired vendors for photography, musicians or DJs, caterer, bakery, flowers and decorators.  If you wish to hire a wedding planner to take care of the details of your wedding, you may find it less challenging, but a professional officiant is capable of helping you plan the greater portion of the wedding as well. 

You can expect your officiant to go through the details of the ceremony with you, including the music, readings, vows, wedding party and special rituals, including such things as dove releases, flower exchange, Unity ceremony, handfasting, jumping the broom, and so forth.  The officiant can help you organize the entire ceremony, create a schedule of events, as well as perform the wedding.  A friend or relative, who might be honored to marry you and your spouse, does not have the training to organize all of these things.  While it may save you a small amount of money, your ceremony will not be as it might otherwise be.

A professional wedding officiant may cost a little more, but they are worth every penny.

Avoiding Meltdowns

The day of the wedding ceremony is fraught with nerves, headaches, and confusion.  There are many things that can go wrong, but the important thing is to avoid a meltdown for the bride and groom.  With a little luck and a good officiant, the wedding can be salvaged and be remembered for years to come as a beautiful event, near and dear to the heart.

Let’s take a look at some of the things that might go wrong.  First, the Marriage License can be lost, left behind at the hotel, have coffee spilled on it, or be accidentally torn.  Plan ahead by giving the license to someone who will take responsibility for it, such as the maid of honor or best man, a parent, or a wedding planner. This person will be responsible for making sure it gets packed with items to go to the location of the ceremony, making sure it is transported to the site, and perhaps wrapping it in plastic report cover to prevent damage from spills or tears, and most importantly, delivering the license to the officiant prior to the ceremony.

Another disastrous thing that can happen is having the wedding cake ruined.  This can happen in transport.  The cake may fall, melt, be dropped, not be what was ordered, etc.  The solution to this is a little more difficult.  If possible, have the bakery deliver the cake to your location.  They have to tools to protect the cake from most of these problems.  If the cake comes in sections, they will be able to set it up to its best.  If your baker doesn’t deliver, allow extra time so that the cake doesn’t get bounced around in transport by having to hurry through traffic.  Upon arrival, use a kitchen cart to move the cake into the hall.  If there is a melting problem, smoothing the icing with a spatula should help repair the situation.

Flowers are commonly delivered by the florist, and they will often help distribute the bouquets and boutonnieres to the wedding party.  The problem here is if they droop in the heat of summer, or if the tapes holding things together slide off.  This isn’t a common problem, but it is a possibility.  If necessary, store the flowers in a refrigerator to keep them fresh.

Clothing can become a headache as well.  Perhaps someone’s tux doesn’t fit.  Or, perhaps the bridesmaids gowns are too tight.  Worst of all, the bridal gown may tear or pop a button.  The latter problem can be helped with a needle and thread, so long as this is packed into a “go bag” where all of the last minute needs are stored.  The fitting of the tuxes and bridesmaids gowns can be taken care of if everyone is fitted a week or so before the ceremony.  Then, make sure that each person does, in fact, have the clothing that is meant for them.

Now it is a matter of making sure all of the people that have been invited are on time.  Depending upon the size of the guest list, it may or may not be important that the guests, and a special guest in particular, arrive on time.  It isn’t practical to phone everyone and remind them to be on time, but if there is someone you absolutely want to be there for the ceremony, a well-timed phone call can help them remember what time they should arrive.  Ten minutes before the ceremony is a good rule of thumb.

Last, it’s raining on your well-planned ceremony.  Not to worry.  Paperwork can be slipped into plastic report covers so that the ink doesn’t run, someone can be asked to hold umbrellas over the wedding party if the rain is falling very hard, or, if the rain is a temporary thing, it’s probably okay to wait a little while.  But remember, rain on the wedding day is a good omen.

If you can avoid these pitfalls, there is no reason for a meltdown and heartfelt memories shall abound.

Peripheral Tips

Once you have all of the flowers, gowns, tuxes, and are ready to rehearse your ceremony, there are a few things that need to be discussed.  For example, when the bride is presented, do you wish the congregation to stand?  Often, they will stand without prompting, but it is good to know if you wish them to do so.  Traditionally, as the bride comes into view, the congregation will stand, but there are couples who prefer not to do this.  You should let your officiant know your preferences.

Another thing that will help your ceremony go smoothly is that the maid of honor will adjust the train of the bride’s gown when the bride reaches her place. Following that, or if there is no train to smooth, the bride hands the maid of honor her flowers, so that her hands are free to hold the groom’s hands and to give and receive the rings, pour sand (if there is a sand ceremony), exchange roses (for a rose ceremony), light candles (if there is a Unity Candle) and so on.

It is frequently preferred by couples to have a ringbearer in the bridal party.  This is a charming addition.  The problem comes in when the rings are not adequately tied to the pillow he carries, or tied so well that the ties must be cut.  Perhaps I have said this before, but it helps the ceremony to run more smoothly if the ringbearer has faux rings on the pillow (it may actually have had a pair of them when purchased) and have the best man and/or maid of honor holding the rings to be presented to the officiant when asked.

These are just a few of the tips that will help your wedding day go seamlessly better.

What Kind of Ceremony?

Most of the time you can say, “A wedding is a wedding.” Except when it’s not.  There are other types of ceremonies that may be had, which provide the level of commitment of a marriage, but without the legal blessing that a wedding receives.  For some, a commitment ceremony is the right choice.  For others, a hand-fasting provides what is needed.  So when is a wedding not a wedding?

To begin with, a wedding requires a license from the state in which it is performed.  It is a legal union in which the bride and groom (or brides and grooms) make a legal connection which is honored by the legal system, and in which partners are able to receive benefits from an employer, the state and insurance companies, for example.

There are situations when a marriage ceremony, as above, would limit the parties to a wedding, regarding those benefits, so the choice becomes one in which they wish to profess their love and commitment as a couple, but avoid the legal, and oftentimes, financial, limitations based on their marital status.  This couple would do well to have a commitment ceremony, which, generally, has language that the couple expresses their love, honor and union with each other, without being legally a married couple.  Informally, the couple may consider themselves married, but it is not a legal union.

The final option is a hand-fasting, which, according to some pagan faiths, is a commitment of a year and a day, with an option to make it a permanent relationship following that period.  There are several ceremonies that are used to seal this type of relationship, including a ribbon ceremony, in which the couple’s hands are bound together before being withdrawn, creating an in-dissolvable knot that they enjoy as a keepsake. Some individuals opt for Jumping the Broom, which involves placing a broom on the ground, and the couple, following their vows, jumps the broom, symbolizing their entrance into the portal of marriage.

From a legal standpoint, your officiant is required to avoid language including “husband and wife,” unless the ceremony includes a legal license.  So long as everyone is aware what the ceremony is all about, the better for all.

Do's and Don'ts for Your Wedding

Most all of us know that there are some things that we should or shouldn’t do with regard to a wedding ceremony and the associated events that support that being smoothly performed.  It’s nice to review a few things, however, as forgetting these can create an uncomfortable situation for the entire wedding party.

Do’s:

1. Take the ceremony seriously.  All of the professionals will be most appreciative.
2. Be on time to the rehearsals, ceremony and every function involved in preparation for the ceremony.  Make sure that all participants have been informed of the time each event is starting. If someone must be late or is unable to attend, let the officiant know as soon as possible.
3. Let the officiant know of any changes to the ceremony as soon as possible.  This is one of the benefits of having an officiant-led rehearsal. It’s okay to stop the rehearsal for a rewrite, but not so good to have an awkward silence during the ceremony.  If you are adding a Unity Candle, for example, be sure to inform the officiant. Likewise if you are removing a part of the ceremony. The wedding will run so much smoother and there will be no embarrassing moments.
4. Do introduce the officiant to the members of the bridal party, particularly the two witnesses who are responsible for signing the marriage license.  It makes it much easier when the time comes to sign.
5. Let the best man and maid of honor help with the flowers, rings and train of the bridal gown.  That’s what they’re receiving special honors for.

Don’ts:

1. Save celebrating for after the ceremony is over.  There is little else that disrupt the ceremony more than an intoxicated bridal party.
2. Don’t give someone a job to do, then change your mind and assign someone else.  This will confuse everyone, including the officiant. You can make changes, but do so at the rehearsal.  That’s what it’s for. Be sure to specify what you expect of children and parents, as well.
3. Don’t look at the officiant while reciting or repeating your vows.  You’re marrying your partner, not the officiant.
4. Don’t carry on a conversation with someone in the congregation.  Being relaxed is one thing, but chattering on is just rude.
5. Don’t chew gum or tobacco during the ceremony.

Mostly, it is important to focus on the business at hand.  Everyone will enjoy themselves all the more and your ceremony will be one you can remember, in a good way, forever.

Destination Weddings

The popularity of weddings at a distance is increasing.  It is a way to combine the honeymoon with the wedding, and for at least part of the celebration, to bring your friends along.  Many couples prefer to have the simplicity of a charming wedding at a meaningful location, then throw a big party for the reception on their return.

Begin by deciding where you would like to have your wedding.  This is not just a matter of venue, as if you intend to have your ceremony locally.  It is a matter of what country, or island, or city, for example: Las Vegas or Maui or Italy.  Once you have decided upon the location, you will want to visit a travel agency (particularly if you want to be married overseas) to find out the cost, possible accommodations, and perhaps, if they have any specials or any package deals.  This will give you a framework to start with, as well as providing you with date options.  It’s important to be flexible about travel plans, because there may be certain dates that are booked.

Next, you will want to check into possible venues.  If you have gotten lucky and have found an acceptable package deal, this much is taken care of for you.  Otherwise, you will need to start from scratch, searching the web to find out what venues may be available in the locale you prefer.  Many cities have a website that offers connections to businesses in their area, but you will need to do a little research in order to find just what you’re looking for.

You will need to have hotel accommodations if you wish to stay overnight.  If you are choosing a cruise for your destination, this is already covered.  You will merely have to have your guests book the cruise as well.  Also, guests will need to make arrangements for hotel or, if you are paying their way, you may want to book a block of rooms for the duration.

The ceremony itself may be fairly easy to plan.  If you are going on a cruise, you can often make arrangements for the captain of the ship to perform the ceremony.  You may want your own officiant, so long as you pay for his or her accommodations.  If you are going to a remote location, you may need to do some digging to find out if there is a clergyman or officer who can perform the wedding.  Of course, places like Las Vegas have many wedding chapels which suit a variety of preferences.

Some couples report that they save a great deal of money by having their wedding at a special place, but this depends on what the budget allows and how long your stay.

Themed Weddings

What could be more fun than having a wedding?  Having something that really relates to who you are as a couple and expresses the good times that you have had with something, whether a hobby, a spectator sport, a special vacation spot, you name it.

Some of the excitement for this type of wedding will test the creativity of your wedding officiant or planner, to write a ceremony that is full of what is special for the two of you, or you may even want to write it yourself.  We often personalize our vows in this way, but now the entire ceremony can be specialized to you. In any case, it should be delightful and entertaining for your guests.

Where do you start?  The first thing to do is to brainstorm.  What do you like to do? What do you share as a couple?  What kind of hobby gives you joy? These questions should get you started and encourage your creativity to flow.  When you have some options selected, pick your theme.

Once you have selected your theme, think about the peripheral, visual parts of your wedding.  This includes decorations, your wedding gowns and tuxedos (which now become costumes) and the atmosphere of your venue to immerse your guests in your themescape.  You will want to adjust your entrance, your music, and, of course, the script of your ceremony.

Decorations can be selected with help from the local dollar store, a sporting goods store, the fabric shop and a thrift shop.  While you may not normally expect to shop for a wedding in these places, when it comes to theme weddings, you will be able to exploit these stores for the most rare of items.  This includes finding sports jerseys, books that can be used as decor, glassware for the reception, whatever your heart’s desire.

For your attire, you can usually find something unique at the above locations as well.  Think in terms of the image you wish to represent, and you can go wild. Suppose, for example, that you wish to have an Alice In Wonderland wedding.  You should be able to find a red dress anywhere, but a ball gown with a hoop skirt, for the Queen of Hearts, may be a little more difficult to find.  Thrift stores have this kind of thing from time to time. The items are usually cleaned, so don’t feel you have to skimp on quality. The groom’s attire for this wedding might be a military style uniform.  Some may want to alter the pants with a stripe down the side, but you should be able to find something special. Of course, the clothing for your attendants may be a little more difficult to find, and you may want to make them, for example, pillow cases with playing card faces on them, worn with leggings for each. The attendants may wish to get in on the fun as you create something special. Do this for any of your themes and you will be having fun that will last a lifetime.

Personalizing your ceremony script to reflect your theme will add to your fun.  Writing a fun, rhyming poem to highlight the address is always a good place to start.  Preface that with a themed greeting and following with vows that you have written will make your day memorable.  Writing not your thing? Find a talented wedding officiant who will offer to write your ceremony according to your dreams.

You may wish to carry the theme over into your reception, and you can do this just as easily as you have done for the ceremony, using the same sources for decor.  The main thing is to enjoy!